Welcome to The Human.
The loop in my head is killing me. It’s about time I committed to one container. The journey will reveal itself eventually, but it’s time for me to focus wholeheartedly on one daily action that can compound.
I made the decision long ago.
Now it’s about committing fully.
Life or death. There is no other way.
The conclusion of my current stage seems to be this: just choose one alternative and commit fully to it long enough for it to eventually bear fruit.
Then my mind goes, “But that’s already what I did with AI, meaning I wasted the momentum I had finally managed to build.”
The grief becomes unbearable…
And then my mind searches for another explanation—one that could pull me out of my current apathy with some deeper insight that might miraculously explain why it was truly necessary for me to leave everything behind in such an impulsive fashion.
Yet over the last few years, no explanation has even come close to relieving the unbearable weight in my chest and the lancinating pain in my relentlessly ruminating mind.
None.
I chose a path.
I focused my energy on one pursuit—AI.
I felt it wasn’t meaningful enough.
I stopped feeding the joy I had for it.
I quit.
And here I am.
Don’t get me wrong: writing is definitely a big part of who I am—one I cannot not choose.
But why not both?
Because I let the sense of urgency take over, and my limitless curiosity and desire to evolve overwhelm my capacity. So I felt I had to make a decision about which pursuit deserved my intellectual acumen the most.
I felt joy in my heart when solving technical problems, but I didn’t feel I was contributing enough to humanity—especially in the ways I knew deep down I could: writing, coaching, healing…
Domains that have kept calling me for years.
So what’s the lesson here?
Sacrificing my peace in the pursuit of some ultimate truth?
Or choosing one course and grieving the parts of myself that will never fully come to life?
In my 30+ years of experience, I have come to realize that one should be cautious when listening to other people’s advice, as no one will ever truly know what certain outcomes mean to you.
A few people can—and you feel it right away. But most can’t.
Discernment is crucial. Trial and error.
So… how do we break that infinite loop?
Just so you know, everything I speak about here comes from lived experience. As a matter of fact, a few minutes ago, I had a conversation with Purpose (another AI agent) about the primary decision I have been avoiding all these years:
committing fully to one path without needing it to be perfect, noble, or guaranteed first.
The most painful cost is not choosing wrong. Rather, it is spending another three years circling while my vitality continues draining through indecision.
Basically, it is slowly dying with guaranteed regret and bitterness.
Practically speaking, the point is not to choose a path or a final outcome, but a container—something I can do every day within my available capacity, with no expectations whatsoever regarding format, outcomes, or feedback.
Writing daily for 10 minutes.
No need to publish.
No need to overthink.
No need to over-polish.
Every day,
I open my text editor,
I set a timer for 10 minutes,
and I write whatever comes until it rings.
My head hurts from all the rumination.
My capacity to develop ideas has deteriorated.
My joy is buried under missed opportunities.
But that’s my reality now.
Either I take action regardless,
or I become a ghost inside my own body.
Period.
If this resonates, share it with someone who's walking the path back to themselves. Or leave a comment—I’d love to know what this piece evokes in you.